on being gay, what it means to “choose,” and why you should never ask if I want a split check

By July 23, 2013Uncategorized

There are a couple of things you need to understand about non-straight people and their relationships. Well, A LOT of things but here are some that have been on my mind lately:

First and foremost: If you’re a restaurant server and I am CLEARLY on a date and ask for THE check – DO NOT ask if I want that split. I do not want it split. Because I asked for one check.

If you do this, I’m going to glare at you with mean eyes until you comprehend what you have just said OR until Lauren gets so uncomfortable that she shoos you away with a quick “yes, one check, thanks.”

And when you get back to the table, don’t give the check to Lauren just because I’m wearing a dress. I asked for the check. Bring it to me. </rant>

The second thing is a little more complicated. Because I know you mean well, straight person. But when your “defense” of same sex relationships is that “it’s not their fault they’re gay, they didn’t choose it,” it makes us sound, well, like there’s something WRONG with us.

It’s like saying “Poor Johnny. He doesn’t WANT to have Lupus.”


No, I do not CHOOSE who I’m attracted to, but I CHOOSE to be with that person. Because this is America and we don’t have to marry the person our daddy tells us to.

I CHOOSE to be with the most amazing, brilliant, beautiful person that I’ve ever met – and I’m CHOOSING to build a life with her.

There’s no¬†affliction¬†here. We don’t sit around talking about how hard it is to be gay and how we wish we weren’t.

It’s not even something we think about regularly. (We actually just think of ourselves as normal humans living our lives.)

I love and appreciate everything about Lauren and my relationship with her and who I am when I’m with her.

Yeah, it sucks that we can’t get married, adopt kids, enjoy a lot of the rights that other couple have…but all of that is changing.

And one day none of this will be a thing because you will realize that people are people and love is love.

Lots of people have figured that out already…

I choose to be happy. Right now. Regardless.


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